THE SOBER YES
How to Make Wise, Responsible, Emotionally Intelligent Commitments
A clarity framework for protecting your capacity, your peace, and your credibility
By Dr. Jeannie Purchase, PhD
Clarity Coach • Educator • Strategic Thought Partner
The Real Problem Isn’t Skill — It’s Commitment Clarity
Most people don’t struggle because they lack skill.
They struggle because they lack clarity of commitment.
Burnout, resentment, broken trust, and constant overwhelm usually aren’t the result of incompetence.
They’re the result of too many unsober yeses.
What Is a Sober Yes?
A sober yes is a commitment made from a clear mind and a stable emotional state — not from pressure, urgency, guilt, or emotional momentum.
A sober yes:
honors your capacity
protects your credibility
preserves your relationships
reduces resentment
prevents burnout
strengthens trust
A sober yes is grounded, intentional, and sustainable.
What Is a Chaotic Yes?
A chaotic yes comes from temporary influence — not wisdom.
It often comes from:
guilt
fear
people-pleasing
urgency
ego
insecurity
wanting approval
adrenaline
emotional momentum
A chaotic yes:
creates stress and misalignment
compromises excellence
harms team culture
erodes trust over time
Why Most People Overcommit
People say yes too quickly because of:
fear of disappointing others
desire to be seen as helpful
pressure to prove value
poor capacity awareness
unclear priorities
emotional reactions
worry about missing opportunities
The Sober Yes interrupts this cycle — without shame.
Sometimes You Slip into a Chaotic Yes Without Realizing It
Not every chaotic yes is dramatic or obvious.
Most happen quietly — unintentionally, automatically, and innocently.
People don’t say yes because they’re irresponsible.
They say yes because they’re unsober in the moment.
Unsober does not mean “bad.”
It means your decision-making was influenced by something temporary.
Temporary influences include:
emotional highs
adrenaline
sudden inspiration
guilt or gratitude
fear of disappointing someone
unrecognized people-pleasing
excitement or momentum
wanting to be supportive
wanting to be impressive
underestimating the true cost
overestimating future-you’s capacity
trying to preserve harmony or connection
These yeses feel right in the moment —
but they cost you later.
This is where emotional overdraft happens.
You didn’t know you didn’t have the capacity — because the yes was made while you were “high” on something emotional or situational.
The Sober Yes helps you catch the slip earlier,
not judge yourself for being human.
A Chaotic Yes Is Not a Bad Yes — It’s an Unaware Yes
We don’t label chaotic yeses as “bad.”
We call them what they are: unaware.
A chaotic yes is:
rushed
emotionally driven
unsober
disconnected from capacity
misaligned with future-you
made during a temporary emotional spike
made without understanding the true cost
It’s not rooted in irresponsibility.
It’s rooted in unawareness.
And when you’re unaware, you may accidentally:
overdraft your energy
stretch your peace thin
damage future capacity
set expectations you can’t sustain
build a reputation your real life can’t support
A chaotic yes is simply a yes that wasn’t grounded.
Grounded yeses build grounded lives.
